Out of nowhere and for no particular reason I felt a spell cast on me, and not the magical and enchanting but rather the sad kind. It was Saturday afternoon and overcast outside. I was practicing piano when I was overcome with a feeling of listlessness. Suddenly I didn’t feel like doing anything. I didn’t even feel much of anything except an unexpected void.
I hunkered down, quite literally, on the couch and tried to relax. When that didn’t work, I called my mom, who sounded like a spell was cast on her too. I messaged friends in different places and talked to a friend in Brooklyn.
She said the sound of sirens is unsettling. To lighten up we joked about assigning store names when referring to different parts of the house, e.g. “I’m in Lowe’s living room.”; “I need to go to Bath & Bodyworks.”; “Let’s go to KFC kitchen.”; “It’s time to go to Bed, Bath & Beyond.”; etc., so it would seem less confining.
I took a nap and was a drowsy grouch when I woke up for dinner. We busied ourselves with chores all Sunday, so I was wiped out by bedtime. Today, however, back in the weekday routine I faced a blank page and wrestled with my thoughts and feelings in disarray.
W.H. Auden said “great art is clear thinking about mixed feelings.” I do not claim to attempt art, much less great art, but I do endeavor to think clearly. Today, though, I do not know what I feel. So I do not have much by way of clear thinking to offer.
It’s possible that the state of the world at this time affects me more than I realize or care to admit. Do you feel the same way too?
While I did get some writing done, it was fitful with pause and interruption. I was visited upon by a furry friend, who cheered me up with his curious gaze from the outside looking in. And I’m so glad for the relief of brainless banter with friends, like this:
Being in a spell reminds me of Nina Simone’s I Put A Spell On You, which soothes the soul unlike the spell I’m in. What Happened Miss Simone is a great documentary I saw about her at Hot Docs in Toronto years ago. It’s worth a watch if you’re interested in an enigmatic artist, music, and African American history.
It’s possible the spell I’m in is some form of Melancholia. Of course it calls to mind Lars von Trier’s film, which, speaking of great art, is precisely that.